Star-crossed, Education and I

imagesI am a soon-to-be-graduate student in a Masters in Teaching program. This is something I am beyond excited about, truly. I graduated with an English degree, only to find jobs where technology writing was the only viable option. I could see my love of writing disintigrate as I sent in resume after resume, sure my future had been decided for me long ago. Until I started a job at an education center which led to a job as a Preschool teacher. Now, I am on my way to becoming a certified elementary teacher and I feel I have chosen the right path.

Why then, do I feel so stressed out?

Education is not as available to people as it should be. I feel that I am fighting just to learn. Is it fair that young and old people alike must struggle with the idea of becoming more educated, not because it takes work, but because their wallet is blinking at them, WARNING WARNING OVERLOAD! Is it fair that mindful, skilled, and potentially desirable employees are not allowed to achieve the level of education they need to become the career men and women they ought to be?

My future, before filled with ideas of white picket fences and bouncing baby boys, is now fraught with dollar signs, bills hanging on refrigerators, snapping discussions between me and my future husband and a general sense of…how are we doing this month? What I fear is that I will wake one day in the future and think…what have I done?

I know I am destined to become a teacher. My last year of working with children has solidified that in my mind. However, it does not change the fact that I am flat out scared of how much it will cost me. Yes, I have a loan, but I will also have to pay it back with interest and how much do teachers get paid, really?

The road ahead scares me, but at the same time, from each dollar sign, I see a smiling face and a light bulb of understanding. For each bill on the fridge is one less bad day at work because children can fix anything. I am excited. I am scared. But I am willing. I can only hope that one day, education is a bigger possibility to those who cannot justify the loan or the spending. For now, I’ll  move forward, unsure of what will happen, but taking the risk nonetheless. Wish me luck.

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